Today I felt like a bit of a James Joyce paragraph:
“He lived at a little distance from his body, regarding his own acts with doubtful side-glances. He had an odd autobiographical habit which led him to compose in his mind from time to time a short sentence about himself containing a subject in the third person and a verb in the past tense.”
Odd and familiar.
I am sometimes surprised I am living in this body and life. Parts of my history hidden from myself. Restless and unruly. Like a tangled spool of thread. Unwinding in its own confused way.
While sitting in my Excel class today and placing formulas into tiny boxes on spreadsheets, I suddenly fell upon the blueprint of a tangled formula. The sequence was out of order. Numerical mumble jumble. It pointed to Reality instead. Off the spreadsheet and into my body.
This tangled up formula was me. Hidden beneath the answer. In Excel you can have formulas that are either an "absolute" or "relative". One formula remains fixed as the cells change and the other can change.
This particular formula was placed in me at the age of 4. I believed it to be an unconscious "absolute". I had no teacher or ability to discern its truth and consequences. It's program was running the psyche and mind. Spitting out the wrong answers to the right questions. By hitting the enter key I ended up with the same answer each and every time.
Except.
I have pulled out the formula and held it up into the Light and have looked closely at its tightly held numerical sequence. Brilliant in its application. Deadly in its execution.
This time the "formula" was caught before the CPU could spit out the same old tired answer. The "formula" looked like this:
=Sum(Unclemolestslittleman)+(FALC*guilt+shame)-(self-esteem)+(large-family-love-peace-joy)
Caught in mid air. Like a tear that could be either of joy or pain. Intriguing. David Hawkins writes about "catching" these types of moments:
"The mind automatically assumes that it is continuously aware of reality, and it is unaware that what it considers to be reality, is actually own presumptive inner processing function that has been termed the 'experiencer' (Hawkins, 2000-2006). Thus the data has already been automatically processed and edited via ego mechanisms within 1/10,000th of a second that have thereby added or subtracted value, meaning, and importance as well as emotional tone and shadings of memory and significance. What the ordinary mind presumes to be "truth" is actually a processed composite of thousands of variables of differing degrees with superimposed editing, selection, distortion, and emotionalized, preferential evaluation. This editing is done unconsciously in 1/10,000th of a second and is not eliminated or bypassed until one reaches Enlightenment (cal. 600 and above.)"
The "formula" did not need to be entered into the mind. The body already had the answer and the image. A pivotal moment. A game changer. If I went with the "program" I would fall into the level of falsehood below the 200 threshold on the Map of Consciousness. Or I could begin to "make sense" and have access to a higher energy field.
What the "formula" clearly shows is an innocent "little man" with an "adult" formula implanted in his mind. His complex spreadsheet with numbers and formulas to confuse the lay of the land. The body moved left when the logical move would be right. The formula moved the body and held captive the mind.
I can now move freely about making "adult" decisions for my mind and body. With the Freedom to look closely at viruses and formulas from my past.
Step by Step. Bit by Bit.
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