Today I mourned the loss of what I considered a close friend. It seemed to be delayed response to an event from months ago. I thought of this poem while processing it all:
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on."
Charlsy Soccer Chick
It felt lousy in spite of this wise and prophetic poem. A distant and familiar ache and now an empty memory of potentials. I sometimes pretend we are still close friends. Both of us on an assigned Sabbatical of sorts. Neither one more important than the other and purpose driven.
Gary Zukav writes in his amazing, new book, "Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power":
"People and circumstances trigger your anger, jealousy, and fear, but changing those experiences requires turning your attention toward what has been triggered (the painful experiences of your chains) and away for what triggered it (the shadows). Looking inward when you become upset (feeling the sensations in your body) instead of looking outward (attempting to change people or circumstances) allows you to explore what has been activated inside you."
"Until you change THAT, you will not change. You will continue to shout, weep, and withdraw as well as demand apologies, feel rejected, feel superior, feel inferior, and engage in all the destructive behaviors that you have perfected. Once you become familiar with your chains, you will know exactly what you need to change."
I looked inward and found this all to familiar chant of wanting some body to fulfil a need left vacant by others in my past. My mind insists that it is powerless in times like these. It constantly projects its fears unto others and is unhappy when they are incapable or unable to complete their roles.
As the day moved along with its twisted up emotions and intense energies, I realized I was the one who insisted that this relationship be authentic on all levels. I was the one standing in my integrity and truth. I now see the "gift" from this "season". It leaves me confident and empowered.
It doesn't mean I don't think of him from time to time. I wonder how his life will flow out and I hope its kind and generous.
That is my hope anyway.
I'm sorry for your pain, Carl. I know you'll take the gifts you've been given from this friendship and use them in your growth. I'm sorry for your pain.
Posted by: Leah | February 12, 2012 at 04:29 PM
"an empty memory of potentials" is where we reside for awhile, unable to let the potentials die.
Seeing your own empowered state is the gift of this friendship, and with your integrity, you walked away. He couldn't rise to your level of integrity...
Posted by: I M Perfect | February 12, 2012 at 04:50 AM