I finished my beginning Excel class today. A mind blowing exercise through cells, formulas and spreadsheets. What appears to be a complex program of functions and commands is actually a tool to make sense of data in a organized and linear way.
What I found intriguing and perplexing is the "language" of Excel. Its "absolute" rules of engagement and with a simple touch of a "function" key, a spectacular spray of information is neatly compiled for your edification. Amazing.
I quickly learned that whatever "formula" was placed in a cell would display a numerical summation and could save you the tedious task of "figuring out" pretty much any simple or complex mathematical equations.
To correct a formula I would have to change the "error" within the cell. An "understanding" of the problem did not fix the formula. You literally have to open up the cell and examine closely what lies beneath. Like a surgical incision of sorts. Precision, experience, and guidance matters. The "faulty" formulas could be opened up and looked at closely under a intense and burning light.
I found the excavation of my own psyche to be similar to a complex and foreboding spreadsheet. Weird and erroneous "formulas" carelessly placed conspicuously "everywhere". Nothing added up to something. Something making the spreadsheet into nothing.
The strange and queer "formulas" also became my "way" in the world. I saw only what the numbers added up to. I felt the impact of being "responsible (for the program) and not in control (of the spreadsheet) to be absolutely maddening and terrifying.
The "laws" of the Universe did not match my line of sight. I saw only part of the equation or it did not even register and fell unto my blind side. Both begging each other for clarity, compassion and mutual understanding. The tail kept wagging the dog. I kept wondering why this dog could not hunt properly. The tail just wagged in confusion and ultimately stopping moving.
While doing yoga this morning I caught a glimpse of myself without the "spreadsheet". None of the formulas were true. They were all a bunch of thoughts and ideas placed there a long time ago by some very misguided and demonic human beings. The image of me towered over these broken and misguided "formulas". I stood there astounded I would ever believe I had to live in the smallest and darkest part of myself.
A prison made up of imaginary beliefs and fears.
The man looking back at me was kind and strong. His legs powered his body in and out of every posture. Sweat and determination poured out of every part of his Being. He moved with grace and understanding. There was absolutely nothing "awkward" about him. I stood there in awe.
Andrew Cohen describes life changing moments as this:
"The authentic self is the best part of a human being. It's the part of you that already cares, that is already passionate about evolution. When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle."
And I quietly lay down on my mat silently thanking the Angels who brought this beautiful Light to me.
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