I had a profound insight during my yoga class yesterday. I love it when that happens. Ironically it was when I could barely keep my breath and posture in any sort of alignment with the pose. The tortured feeling of staying in it for the intrinsic benefits and the relief when you finally do change positions.
Perhaps this is one of the "secrets" of yoga. To bring forth in us the unfelt and unexpressed emotions we could not process or feel as a child or in Reality. The benefit of staying on your mat and in the posture stimulates the subconscious to release the limited beliefs we have about ourselves.
I struggled over the weekend with the smoldering feelings of being "responsible but not in control" of a situation that brought up shades of shame, guilt and self worth. This particle moment involved a long time friend and their words and actions said about me to another.
Odd and peculiar because it had nothing to do with me and my actions.
I somehow owned them as if I had done and said it. A strange paradox of sorts. I was owning it because they used my name to their advantage despite of its repercussions for me.
I still had nothing to do with it.
The epiphany was that I am not responsible for anyone's actions or words. I am not in control of your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, or your perceptions of me.
This realization quickly spread from this person and to others, families, groups of people, religions, and it soon encompassed the entire world. Long held beliefs and histories of old relationships fell away. This "my fault" mentality gave way to my new found freedom. A crack of light quickly turned into a blaze of glory.
I could plainly see how this started in my dysfunctional childhood and carried forward by my mind to keep me in check without an escape and the other party free of their own actions and responsibilities.
You are on your own.