I tend to hold all my fears, resentments and anxieties in my stomach area.
I have had a couple of surgeries recently also in the corresponding area. I also asked my therapist for a session involving this issue and we worked on it with the EMDR technique. I looked up the spiritual definition according to Louise Hay:
"Stomach: Holds nourishment. Digests ideas. Dread. Fear of the new. Inability to assimilate the new."
I also remembered Wayne Dyer saying he saw a sign in an AA meeting once that read, "There are no justified resentments" and I remained puzzled by that. I looked that word up:
"Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn’t have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy and can last a long time. Forgiveness is one way to get rid of resentment.
While I "knew" this on many levels and could articulate that pretty well, I still seemed unconsciously stuck and the appearance of it showing up physically was a good indication that I had some inner work to do.
Over that past few months I've also heard from Dr. David Hawkins speaking "...We need to apply our spiritual principles to EVERYBODY." That quickly caught my attention of people that I knew where it was easy to do and also the ones that have been buried in the past.
I looked at this principle with 2 caveats:
- Who would you be without your story? A book by Byron Katie with the same name.
- You have no need to defend any of your current or past behavior.
This idea came to me as I was sorting out who I wanted to meet with and how I would let whatever was to unfold without a story. It seemed fraught with the possibilities of me ending up in a pile of trash at the end of it. I also wanted to know if I was as able to "apply" this spiritual principle with my 2 reference points. It would also test me if I could remain balanced and in the present moment without quickly jumping to a defensive posture or lassoing a story from the past.
I met with my mother and sister both individually and separately on 2 occasions.
We sat and talked for hours and I was surprised how much I could hear when I was not in a resentment or defensive posture. It did not erase my past history and put me in a happy place of denial. I simply sat and listened and shared my experiences of the past 9 or so years. I did not attempt to change their minds or hold them accountable for my justified resentments. I did not need to. It's not my job to do that. Perhaps it is for others.
It did relieve a lot of space in my stomach area and I walked away feeling heard.
This was for me and my journey. It may not be for others. I also am not advocating we meet with our abusers face to face to find peace or ask them for forgiveness. I respect any boundary that anyone feels is necessary for their own journey.
I believe that a space opens up when you can be in the present moment and stay centered without jumping into the past where Byron Katie says:
"“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise."
When I gave up defending my past story it relieved me of the burden of holding others responsible for it.